The Resurrection (Take Two)

August 7, 2010

Marker_Take2After the Motion Picture Underground began a second span of inactivity back in February, I’m sure all of you were terribly upset and, more importantly, curious as to what could have possibly pulled me away from such a well-paying job for so long. As rumors started to break loose and CNN, the Washington Post, and US Weekly all got a hold of the story, I’m sure that all of you- one way or another- eventually heard about everything that happened in these last 5 months. I will assume that you have read most of the details and seen my interviews on Dateline, Oprah, and 60 Minutes, so I will quickly skim over the story for all of those who have lived under a rock for recent periods of time.

Long story short… I was kidnapped by a vicious band of gambling Asian gangsters, sold into a French underground slavery ring run by the Albanian Mafia, forced to play psychologically grotesque (yet somehow profound) mind games in a bathroom with a cancer-ridden serial killer named Puzzle, captured and held hostage by a masked company of rebelling Treadstone assassins, recovered by a glorious secret squad of vengeful and merciless Jewish Americans, tortured by Jack Bauer after some very unfortunate miscommunication, framed and wrongfully accused of murdering my insane, suicidal wife and thrown into a high-security prison from which I escaped by tunneling through a hole in my cell hidden by a poster of Rita Hayworth.

Now that everyone’s caught up, let me be the first one to officially come out and say that, as convincing as they sound, none of these rumors are actually true. That adventure-filled story was completely made up by some asshole trying to entertain people and get a promotion. It’s a shame really, because I can only imagine how brilliant of a movie that whole story could make. I can assure you that I’m completely unscathed. Well, that’s not entirely true either. My junior year of high school was actually a pretty extensive form of torture in itself, but that’s a different story. Long-story-which-actually-turned-out-to-be-a-short-story short, this recent 5-month period of inactivity was due to a combination of overwhelming amounts of school work, lazy summer tendencies, and lack of motivation.

However, the purpose of this joyous post is to announce my return to the scene of movie news, reviews, and abuse. I can assure you that this time, I will be attempting to stick around for longer. But Ben, you might be trying to ask me, in your infinite wisdom and undying knowledge, doesn’t it seem even a tad stupid to be rebooting your blog right before a new school year is about to begin, given your history of dropping commitments because of school work? In response, I have just 4 things to say. 1) Thank you for the endearing compliment. 2) Stop trying to ask me questions while you’re reading. You’re in front of your computer. I’m in front of mine. Think about it. 3) It’s not a history, per se. It’s happened twice. A history is more like 4-5 times. Don’t condescend me. I’m very particular about semantics. And 4) Yes, it’s probably not my best idea. But I’m convinced that it should be an lighter year for me and even though I’m hoping to get a part-time job soon, I plan on somehow at least putting in regular and consistent updates every week. I can’t guarantee that there won’t be some days or even some weeks when posts don’t come quite as often, but I should be able to stay away from being gone for too long.

While my writing and reviewing days have been few and far between for a few months, my days of watching movies have certainly not been. Hopefully in the next week or two, I’ll be able to crank out several reviews of recent movies I’ve seen and also provide information about upcoming movies, etc.

Be sure to check back periodically for further updates.


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